chaos and silence

It's not just me.... the last couple of weeks have been intense for so many people I know. M's 4-year relationship ended. C's engagement broke off, then P came back asking her to take him back - and all the drama associated with that. D's relationship with S is facing some serious questions... they have to be answered otherwise the future will be always shaky. MH quit her job cos she can't bear to work for R anymore, but R is upset and angry and baffled. JH has been so so angry with JR and again, JR seems not to know where it's all coming from... he's baffled too. And of course there's me and Ben and our drama. Not to mention I heard from MW and RS last week and I got back in touch with AS after him not talking to me for a year. Talk about intense!!! I'm exhausted. 

But I have to say, today, after my earlier post I feel the ground under my feet again. Like something clicked into place in my brain. He didn't really hurt me without my consent... he did hurt me, but I was willing too, for FOUR BLOODY YEARS!!! There's some kind of relief in taking responsibility. It's like I know now... and accept I made a mistake and I shouldn't do it again. I feel something like peace.... it's not quite peace..... stillness, maybe. Yeah, stillness.