all the way down

Last year I saw the movie 'Once' and fell totally in love with the music. Of course the main song went on to win the best song oscar. But this one from the soundtrack spoke to something personal and intimate and hidden.

So sad to think that I identify with this. This stupid blog has become a chronicle of my fall into depths of darkness. Sometimes I think, entirely self-inflicted. I had the choice to walk away and I didn't. That's so pathetic of me. In a way he's right. I can't blame him at all. I want him to stop and take responsibility but I don't do so myself for the choices I made. Poor poor choices and poor poor character judging. And really if I didn't like it so much, if he caused me so much agony why did I keep going back? Why did I subject myself to it? This is not an excuse for him for treating me badly, he still absolutely should not have. But I also should not have treated me so badly. Why did it take so long for that light bulb to go off in my head?

You have broken me all the way down,
down upon my knees.
And you have broken me all the way down,
you'll be the last, you'll see.

Some fight you gave,
and I pushed you away
from me.

And in the morning when you turn in
I'll be far to sea.

And you have broken me all the way down.
You'll be the last, you'll see.

And what chance have we got
when you've missed every shot
for me?

And in the morning when you turn in
I'll be out of reach.
And in the darkness when you find this
I'll be far to sea.

And you have broken me all the way down.
You'll be the last, you'll see.