There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness..... truth, beauty and a picture of you....

Wow it's been so so long since I've been on. What a whirlwind few months!

After Ben's departure I had a month totally to myself. It was tough. Lots of confusing and depressing things to deal with. It's well and good that I accept that I was responsible for a lot of the shit he put me through, but I still went through the shit. The disappointment, the lies, the cheating and the profound hurt.....but still, it was the tail-end of cyclone Ben. It was purging of him from me and from my life. And then, just as if on cue arrives Boy into my life.

Boy is a friend of a friend who I've been hearing about for a couple of years. Apparently Boy saw a pic of me on facebook around two years ago and was interested but I was busy dealing with Ben at the time. Turns out Boy met someone else in the meanwhile, then went overseas for a while, broke up with the someone else and returned to visit his old home town. That's when we met, and did we meet! We were out having drinks when he arrived around 9pm to meet our mutual friend. We were being set up and we both knew it and were curious to see how it would go. We started talking around nine and didn't stop, literally didn't stop till about 4am! We were still with the group for most of that time and we went to 3 other bars and a McDonalds on the way, some of them got into a fight with someone at McD, we gained people and lost people from the group, but the two of us hardly noticed. We were becoming more and more entranced with each other.

Eventually it was just the two of us left and we ended up at some crap bar at 1am and got closer and closer. He kissed me, I had my legs draped across his lap and my head resting on his shoulder. He was a gentleman but with the right amount of boldness. I liked it! A lot! I left feeling like I was on a cloud. He messaged me on the way home, I went home and slept like a baby.

The next night I was supposed to be meeting Leo for a drink. Maybe we can be friends, I thought. Earlier in the day I had a date with another boy I'd met a week before I met Boy, Manni. Between the two boys though I managed to see Boy for a few mins. It was just on the street and we just met quickly, hugged and said hi and bye but I think I needed it. To remind me that the night before was real. It wasn't just two drunk and lonely people happening to meet at the right time. We really had something.

The next day I had a date with Boy. A real one. We talked and sat in the sun and kissed and kissed and kissed. I was that butterflies in the stomach kinda magic. It was the beginning. The next few weeks were just perfect fun. We met almost everyday. The sex was fun and the cooking was awesome. We laughed a LOT and joked a lot and discovered that we have a lot of things in common, including what we want out of our futures.

Boy was in town for a total of 5 weeks. I went to the airport to say goodbye to him and I really was afraid of losing him. I almost wished I hadn't met him cos you know, I don't believe in long distance relationships. You can't have those after just 5 weeks anyway. He left, we hugged, and said we'd see each other again soon. He got home and somehow we've managed to keep in touch all this time. I'm not sure how it's all working out so far. I'm still pleasantly amazed when i receive an email or phone call from him. He is soooo far away and we were only together in person for 5 weeks, but I miss him. I miss seeing him and laughing with him and telling him about my day and waking up next to him.

The plan is to see each other again in October. *sigh* I can't wait, but I am also afraid. He's really good looking and women do throw themselves at him. He says he's waiting for me and I believe him, but he's a young, funny, fun good looking man and I'm afraid...... but also excited :-)

It's scary cos sometimes I really wonder if I'm in love with him, then catch myself thinking like that and feel totally stupid. How can you be in love with someone you've only been around in person for 5 weeks?! And how can you know for sure he'll wait. We have trust, but I just don't know him that well yet. And this kinda good happy cute thing doesn't happen to me. It hasn't yet. I'm trying to protect myself but keeping a mild distance, but I still catch myself smiling when I think of him. And i miss him and i hope like hell he feels the same way!

The lyrics are from a song by the Whitlams

A letter to you on a cassette
'Cause we don't write anymore
Gotta make it up quickly
There's people asleep on the second floor
There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness
Truth beauty and a picture of you
You'll be walking your dog in a few hours
I'll be asleep in my brother's house
You're a thousand miles away
With food between your teeth
Come up for summer I've got a place near the beach
There's room for your dog
There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness
Truth beauty and a picture of you
There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness
Youth truth beauty fame boredom and a bottle of pills
There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness
You shouldn't leave me alone
There's no aphrodisiac like loneliness
Bare feet like a tom-boy and a crooked smile
Truth youth beauty fame boredom red hair no hair innocence
Saturday and a picture of you
A letter to you on a cassette
You shouldn't leave me alone
Forty shaved sexy wants to do it all day
With a gun-totin' trigger-happy tranny named Kinky Rene
Tired teacher twenty-eight seeks regular meetings for masculine muscular nappy-clad brutal breeding
While his wife rough-wrestles with a puppy all aquiver
on a wine-soaked strobe-lit Asiatic hall of mirrors and a dash of loneliness
There's no aphrodisiac quite like it
Truth youth beauty fame boredom red hair no hair innocence impunity and a picture of you
I got a video set-up me love you short time she pay me suck his finger with some fine wine