Sad but true: I'm almost counting down the days till Ben leaves for good. I know I'm going to be sad. Such a big chapter of my life will end. But then again, for the next chapter to start, this has to end, he has to leave, since he doesn't want any part in the next one.
I'll wake up once he's gone and realise I'm standing alone somewhere..... Scary to think of it. But it's also a relief to think that once he IS gone, things will be more peaceful. The problem with the relationship with him is that knowing that there's no future is so crushing. Everything feels futile. There's not even a reason to feel jealous anymore.
I have no idea what it's going to be like, to be honest. I have a feeling that it might be worse than I expect. Bad things often are..... will just have to wait and see. And remember the bad times as well as the good...
In the meanwhile, went to Luna Park on the weekend. Was lots and lots of fun. Pics from phone below
The crazy face at night..
The bridge from the ferris wheel. I loooooveee ferris wheels!!
2 comments:
These things are there to help us learn about parting: You meet the right person, your love grows huge, you both grow older. And one day you realise that one of you will die first. The loss is there years before it happens.
Hello David,
Yes, I believe in my mind that it's all a lesson, but actually going through it is still hard. I do still have this faith that this all will add up to a life.... you know, rich with all kinds of emotions and lessons and experiences, but many of those things are only enjoyable and only seem necessary in hindsight.
On another note, thanks for your comment. I actually write here just as a diary... the anonymity allows freedom. But it's also nice to know that sometimes there is a person a the other end who knows what i'm talking about.
M
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