Alone

It's Christmas day and I'm home all alone. It's not tooo bad, I'm not drowning in sorrow, but it feels strange.

Maybe what feels unnatural is not being away from Ben, but being alone. Humans are social animals. We've evolved with families and communities.

AND I feel like I'm at an age now where I don't want to be alone and that's a justified feeling. I'm learning life's lessons. I treat people well in relationships. I didn't do anything wrong when it came to the relationship with Ben. It was mostly his struggle that I paid for. So I feel like I don't deserve to be alone. Then why am I suffering it?

I will start seeing other people. I just need a little more time to sort Ben out of my head.

It's starting to feel like I tried with Ben and I'm at the end of the line now. Maybe it's time that I cut off that cord connecting him and me.