The winner is.....

There is this constant tug-of-war in my head between liking and not liking Ben. And it has renewed with new vigour. This is mostly because I've finally admitted to myself that things with Leo will only go so far. He is not one for me for the long run. Nice and funny and fun, yes. But I can't see a future with him. That's ok, because the way things are with him, making a decision about us is not a pressing matter. So it can stay as it is for a little while. 

Ben. So much potential and depth and unspoken understanding. But at the same time he is so troubled. One thing is for sure, nothing can happen until he has some kind of profound revelation about himself. And the problem is, I don't think he will have a revelation. That requires a miracle and those don't exist. I have to un-obsess. Even if he wanted to be with me and I with him, nothing would improve. Life would not move forward. That's a function solely of him, not of me or our circumstances. 

I just with I knew how not to be so restless. So there is no winner, just a loser, and that's me :-(