special birthday

Last weekend was Leo's birthday... met a whole lot of his friends, had a great time, came home at 7 am and had crazy wild sex, fell asleep for a few hours, went home for a little while, then went back to his place and hung out on the floor watching dvds with him lying next to me with one arm around me :-) I'm still glowing from the weekend. 

In the meanwhile, Ben is pissed off! Like really pissed off. He's been angry since he saw me and Leo walking down the street. Apparently he was only about a metre away from me and I didn't see him. To be honest I'm not sure why he's angry. Is it all jealousy or does he still love me?

My bet is on jealousy. But I also know that if he was is my shoes he would've done nothing differently. And the next important question is, do I still love him? We had SUCH a connection, but he's such an asshole sometimes. In an ideal world, he would go away, have some crazy life-changing experiences, become normal again and then come back and find me. But in the real world what's most likely to happen is that he'll leave at the end of the year and I will not meet him ever again... 

Will I meet someone I love that like that ever again? Also unlikely. I just hope I meet someone I really love and who loves me. Deeply, truly. The thing with Leo, it's not for the sex. If I wanted just that, I could've had it with Ben. It's about the companionship. I waited for that from Ben for 3 years while he fucked around. It's time to move forward now.