a date

I have a date with destiny.... it's April 9th. Ben booked his ticket finally and he's leaving on April 9th. Almost exactly 4 years after we met.

I feel a strange mix of emotions... mostly fear of the unknown. I've changed a lot in the last 4 years and during everything in that time he's always been around, mostly in the foreground but also in the background. I haven't really known myself without him in 4 years.

Maybe all the cliches about singledom are true... it allows you to get to know yourself. But also remember, dear universe, that I don't need forever to know myself :-) I'd like a companion too.

In the mean while, I had a meeting with my boss about the direction of my work for the next year. He was enthusiastic and I think I have his support for my ideas. Now I need to put my head down and butt up and just keep moving forward. Oh please god let that be stable. I can handle my personal life falling apart if some other aspect of my life stays stable.

I have to trust the universe that things are taken care of... it's hard to do... this kind of trust with my life, not trying to control and direct it is hard. I found this poem the other day and it sums it up well.

It’s rigged — everything, in your favor.

So there is nothing to worry about.
Is there some position you want,


some office, some acclaim, some award, some con, some lover,


maybe two, maybe three, maybe four — all at once,

maybe a relationship


with

God?

I know there is a gold mine in you, when you find it

the wonderment of the earth’s gifts

you will lay aside


as naturally as does

a child a

doll.

But, dear, how sweet you look to me kissing the unreal:


comfort, fulfill yourself,


in any way possible — do that until

you ache, until you ache,

then come to me


again.



– Rumi