Diary of a lonely cloud

I'm stuck. This feels like a rut but it's the same rut from years ago. A deep sense of dissatisfaction. Like I keep trying to find the thing that will bring me peace and warmth inside, but just can't seem to find it. I'm lonely. Deeply lonely. I am dating guys but none of them are it. It just doesn't click. With Ben there's the potential for something really good, but he's not in the right place in life for it, even if he wanted a relationship. Friends aren't working. I don't have the energy for Sophie's immaturity and frankly no patience to justify my private life to anyone, which seems necessary to be in a friendship.

Work is going, but so. damn. slowly. The answer probably is to stick with work. To throw myself into it. That is mostly what I'm doing, but the problem is that time when I come home after a long day. Most days I'm tired as hell and am happy to just watch a movie and then head to bed. But the other times when I'm restless I just want to talk to someone. I mean really TALK. And smile with someone. And share something warm. Those times I'm really lonely. 

There's a part in every adult's heart that cannot be filled by friends and family or with hobbies and shiny new gadgets. All those things will just temporarily distract you, but eventually your mind will return to that void. And the pain and emptiness will be back.